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Me...  
04:29pm 02/12/2016
 
 

It is okay to not be okay all the time. Everyone has that crappy day. Everyone has the right to just feel off. I have those days more often. Who doesn't? You decide how you feel. This is your life, your decision. You decide how you live your life. Most days I don't feel like myself and my face says it all. I just want everyone to know it is okay? Okay? My body language says it too, i fidget and pick my nails. I says it's okay or I'm okay when I'm really not. And I just need a hug from that special someone. I get quiet in some instances. I honestly don't express my feelings because I have been shot down before. So why bother? I am healing. It is a long bumpy road but I have my special people to help me along the way. No need to tag they know who they are. They keep me sane and know what I'm going through.

 
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(no subject)  
09:12am 18/12/2015
 
 

So I had a dream about my coworker. Very odd. In a huge house and he was staying over. And we'll we kept trying to get intimate. He was upset when we couldn't. He was crying. This only bits and pieces of what I can remember.

 
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Love  
10:22am 14/12/2015
 
 

I think I'm in love again. I met an amazing guy. He is a customer that comes in my store alot. We were matched on a couple dating sites. I found his Facebook. I hit the follow button and like and hour or more later he added me. That was in August. Well just recently I started messaging him. He's amazing. He's a widower. Has 3 kids. I went over his house Friday night and stayed over. It was fun. We had strawberry daiquiris. We skipped that awkward stage of getting to know each other. I feel so comfortable around him. We cuddled in his bed and watched a movie. We kissed and we'll ya know. He made me breakfast in the morning. It meant a lot to me. I know it's crazy bit I want to wake up every day with him.

I need to keep myself grounded though. I don't want to get too attached but I think I already am. I feel like I've known him forever. It's weird. But a good weird.

 
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(no subject)  
09:20am 30/11/2015
 
 

So I had a dream I was on vacation with a guy. And it was a time share kind if thing. Well I was at a super market and I saw my coworkers daughter and my coworker who was supposed to be dead. Then I saw my admirer and he was following me. Before all this me and my family went to this old house that had something outside we were taking pictures with before they were gonna take it down. And we even went in the people's house too. So weird.

 
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Emotions playing high tonight  
10:50pm 08/11/2015
 
 

Everyone I know is married. Or has a family. Or live with the love of their life. Where is my love? I feel so alone...

 
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All hallows eve  
05:44pm 01/11/2015
 
 

So me and 3 friends went to 13 nights at Jiminy peak. That was about an hour long. After that we came back to my place. My friend has to use my bathroom. So we all went in my house. I told them to be quiet cause my aunt was sleeping. So my friend "Jill" asked what we were doing next. I mentioned going to mount Greylock. She drove this time. We'll we got up there we weren't up there long. Too cold and windy. So then somehow someone suggested going to her place and drinking. Ha. So I needed to go to my aunts to pick up something.  Did that and went back to her boyfriends place. Well she had blue raspberry vodka. We mixed it with sprite and ginger ale. Well after like a drink or 2 we were all wasted. We all kept peeing then we all wound up on the floor just laying and laughing. Well his parents came home. We ended up going to Jill apartment. We all crashed on the floor. Jill and her boyfriend kept kissing and making out. She went down on him. He kept smacking my ass and flicking my boobs. I cuddled with Eric. That was nice. I tickled him at some point and he's like I'm too drunk for this. Haha. Then we all went home later after I sobered up.

 
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(no subject)  
01:24am 12/10/2015
 
 

Okay so I hooked up with my coworker. Crazy right? I never thought it would have gotten that far. We had been flirting for so long. Even though it was in the back of my car it was really nice. He does want to hookup again. He got over excited and kinda felt bad. 

 
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I'm broken 💔  
09:56pm 22/09/2015
 
 

I'm a broken person. I want a relationship but I push people away. I have trust issues and I'm working on them. It's not working. I'm constantly thinking the worst. Is he cheating? I know he isn't but in my mind he is. This is why I end up pushing people away. Good guys. I can't help it. It's something I just do. I tried talking about it with a guy I've been talking to. He's like I don't know what to say. And that cheating isn't his style. Wtf does that mean?

This guy is also making sure we're right for eachother. Like I might find something about him I won't like and won't want to be together forever. And this is what set me off to think he doesn't wanna be with me. That he's found someone else or that he just doesn't like me.

I mean if I didn't think it wouldn't work out. I wouldn't have introduced him to my daughter. After that conversation I'm having second thoughts. And questioning everything. I can't have you be apart of my daughters life if you might not be a forever person. I can't have another guy walk out on her. I don't want to find out a year or more down the road that we aren't going to make it as a couple then have you leave. How do I explain that to her?

I guess I'm meant to be single...I know they day the right person will come along when I'm not looking. It hasn't happened yet and I don't think it will...

 
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😓  
03:14pm 15/08/2015
 
 

I wonder if I'll ever find the one. The one who I'll marry and have a family with. Own a house with them. I have almost come to the conclusion that I'll never get my happily ever after.

 
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😳  
06:50pm 31/07/2015
 
 

So I had to go to the doctors for my ankle. That's fine. It's a sprain that didn't heal right. Tried an air cast. That didn't work. I then got a walking boot. Went to physical therapy. It's gotten better. Well I had another issue with something that formed on my tattoo. Well finally saw someone. Nothing wrong. Well she had to weigh me. That number sucks. I feel horrible and shitty about myself and my weight. What the hell? Where did I go wrong....

 
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